I am your roommate. I am your former mission companion. I am your home teacher. I am your neighbor. I am your friend.
I remember when I was on my mission and I realized that I had feelings for my companion. He was compassionate. I cried in his arms as I tried to pray away these feelings. And yet no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pray away these feelings. I found myself descending into a deep depression. I was fearful of the things that I couldn’t control. This companion would always pray for me. He gave me many blessings as I struggled to deal with the intense emotions that came with this attraction. Even with my imperfections and a seemingly awkward situation, this companion had mercy for me. He never judged me for my feelings and would tell me that he loved me. He never used terms like “hate the sin,” “disgusting” or “wrong”. He simply stood by me and offered much needed support.
Although I went on to finish my mission with honor, I was deeply scarred by my experience. I was scared to return home because I feared what my future would hold. I was scared of the environment in Provo. I had been around for Proposition 8 when our stake president came and asked for a group prayer, praying that Proposition 8 would pass. He told us that it was not simply a political matter but a matter of following the prophet.
When I recently saw the dialogue in The Daily Universe about gay parenting and homosexuals in general, I felt hurt. I don’t want to come off as having a persecution complex but I propose that most BYU students don’t understand what it is like to have homosexual feelings. Imagine how it would feel to be sitting in a meeting where homosexuals are condemned as being “disgusting.” There are many chaste BYU students with homosexual feelings who don’t act on said feelings but when they hear someone condemning homosexuals, they feel condemned by implication.
No person wakes up and decides to have homosexual feelings. For many straight BYU students, imagine if you were condemned for simply having sexual thoughts about the opposite gender. Sexuality is a complex mystery. Therefore, we cannot determine what causes these feelings. Many BYU students could stand to learn from my companion. Think before you speak, have compassion, pattern your life after Christ, and love those different than you.
6 comments
A.H.Wright says:
Dec 5, 2011
You know this is a tough issue because gender is so tied up in LDS doctrine. I don’t know how to navigate it socially or rationalize it doctrinally. What I do know is that it is something we are afraid of discussing.
A short anecdote: In response to the daily universe article that this letter references, some students wrote a little flier condemning the article and expressed some opposite view points. Now, I didn’t agree with everything in the flier, but I surely enjoy good discussion and honest discourse so I appreciated their efforts; however, I was shocked to come out of my apartment (which is across the street from where the flier was being distributed) BYU police confronting those activists, checking to make sure that everything they were doing was above board. Now, I walk past that corner multiple times everyday and I look at it out my window every morning. At least twice a week there is a J dub, or a Hari Krishna dude, or an APX recruiter on that same corner doing the exact same thing as these impassioned students. I have never seen anybody talking to them. Why the difference in response? Why the inequitable treatment?
I suspect that we are afraid–afraid to table questions to which there is no answer. But there is this beauty in the mormon religion: we don’t claim to have all the answers. We point to God (and rely on Him) to answer the questions to which there is no answer. We should be comfortable in that space of contradiction, between seemly contradictory premises, and be content to wait for God’s answer. Let’s all get there on this issue. Let’s be willing to discuss opinions, try out some different things; but let’s be willing to accept God’s eventual response.
George Breckenridge says:
Dec 6, 2011
Tolerance and understanding are two virtues which many LDS embrace, but whose actions contradict. This author isn’t proselyting a pro-gay stance, but honestly portraying his conflicted internal feelings. The Lord asks that we keep our passions within the boundaries He has set. This man is doing so.
Consider your own sexual urges. What if you were told that you can NEVER express them if you want to remain LDS? This article’s author deserves our admiration for his sacrifice. Most individuals are too weak to place the gospel before their carnal desires.
Scott Church says:
Dec 13, 2011
You had me until you said: “Most individuals are too weak….” I hope you take the time to get to know a few gay BYU students–really know them. Then go out and meet some gay LDS that are much older and more experienced than 20 year olds. You completely miss the point of this person’s silent desperation. You have ended your comments with the same bigoted and self-righteous sludge that makes this poor man’s struggle worse because he surrounds himself in a religious school and society of people like you. You have boiled sexuality down to carnal desire. How uneducated of you?! I suggest you say something like: Some individuals choose to save themselves from a life of deception, denial and self-loathing. Some individuals choose life, and in doing so, choose with their heart, mind and soul.
E Beam says:
Dec 11, 2011
“You know this is a tough issue because gender is so tied up in LDS doctrine.”
This often makes the discussion even more difficult because LDS doctrine/The Family: A Proclamation to the World does not a clear distinction between sex/gender. “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” However, gender is a social construct and it should be okay for people to not fit gender stereotypes. And if you replace the previous quote with ‘sex,’ that also opens up a whole new debate…
And in regards to the short anecdote about police talking to the those distributing the fliers, I did see a police officer go around ripping off fliers that were taped to poles, but left the other fliers that were posted untouched…
But anywho, yes, we all should all seek to love, to support, and be patient with each other regardless of whether our personal/religious/political beliefs differ. Whether you may be a “religious zealot” or a “godless homosexual” or somewhere in between…
Gay Ally says:
Dec 11, 2011
It has always been interesting to me that the Mormon church can say, on one hand, “If you want to know about the Mormons, ask a Mormon,” but on the other hand always assumes the gays don’t know enough about themselves to be trusted to tell us the truth. The only people I know who insist homosexuality is a choice are straight.
Brian says:
Dec 19, 2011
There are several aspects in which gays don’t know enough about themselves, just like straights. Most individuals, regardless of orientation, can’t tell you why they’re thus oriented. Furthermore how do you know that the leaders of the LDS church are all straight? I served in various local leadership positions in the church while gay. Who’s to say that there aren’t gay general authorities? (Gay, meaning sexually attracted to those of the same sex, not the sociopolitical sense of the word.) Here’s something to consider about the straight people you know that insist homosexuality’s a choice: Might they insist that because they were once gay and made the choice to be straight? I don’t think it’s anywhere near as simple as waking up one morning and deciding to change one’s sexuality but I do think there’s a certain degree of choice to it. Why do I think so? Because years ago I made that choice myself. Just a thought. Most of them probably never were gay but there are those of us that speak from personal experience when we say there is some choice in the matter.