In a 2008 study published in the Journal of Adolescent Research, James S. Carroll found “roughly two thirds (67% ) of young men and one half (49%) of young women agree that viewing pornography is acceptable, whereas nearly 9 out of 10 (87%) young men and nearly one third (31%) of young women reported using pornography.
Within the LDS Church, attitudes concerning pornography tend to differ from those reported in this study due to a heavy cultural stigma surrounding it; however, usage rates by LDS people do not to seem differ significantly from the overall population.
For example, in a a 2009 national study conducted by Benjamen Edelman and published in the Journal of Economic Perspectives, Utah is number one in paid subscriptions to adult entertainment websites (5.97 subscriptions for every 1000 broadband users). This is in spite of the state also being the highest in LDS membership.
While the numbers do not necessarily show Church members subscribe to pornography, they do highlight that members of the Church can struggle with pornography.
Warnings about the pernicious nature of pornography saturate LDS Church meetings, but with the overwhelming statistics of usage, some argue that the teachings of avoiding rather than overcoming pornography are misplaced. In interviewing a number of current and former BYU students about this issue, many complained of the lack of understanding in Church circles of the real issue at hand.
Jeff, a married BYU graduate who has used pornography over a period of eighteen years said, “I feel like [pornography avoidance] is taught in an unintelligent and uninformed way … it is strictly discussed with those who never have [used pornography] … which I believe is a very small cohort.”
Photo by Hugo_Fstop on Flickr.
According to those who struggle with pornography usage, this lack of understanding and tacit assumption that the problem is soluble by an abstinence-type approach often exacerbate the feelings of inadequacy and guilt caused by the already deep void between these people’s values and their actions.
David, a current BYU student who was first exposed to pornography in sixth grade said, “I would say that a large reason why I have problems with pornography is because of the Church and the BYU stigma around it; I think that some of my initial exposures to it would have passed easier had I not felt so much pressure, tension and frustration over it.”
Often, those interviewed said, women who use pornography are at a disadvantage to men because of the assumption that they do not deal with this issue.
Dr. Stephanie Buehler, licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist and author of Sex, Love, and Mental Illness: A Couple’s Guide to Staying Connected, shares her insights on the issue.
“I think maybe with women it would be more secretive,” she said. “Women tend to, especially in a conservative setting, suppress their sexuality and so you are going to find more men than women [reporting this issue].”
Ashley is a BYU student who struggles with the use of porn. Of it she said, “Recently I’ve wanted to shake some people and say, you know, men aren’t the only ones with this problem.”
BYU student and second counselor in her ward’s Relief Society presidency, Lisa argues that because of the assumption that pornography is a male problem, many women feel an increased amount of shame surrounding their actions.
“When pornography comes up in the Church, it’s a guy’s issue and if a girl would ever confess to that issue in an open forum, she’d be seen as a complete pervert,” she said. “She’d be seen as a freak. She’d be seen as this thing against nature.”
Lisa explained her feelings surrounding the issue this way: “I feel a lot of shame. I feel a lot of self hatred. I feel like after I use pornography there’s this high afterwards and then there’s just this slump and this can be anywhere from a day to a week … I just completely cut myself off socially from other people.”
This is not to say, of course, that issues of shame are exclusively an issue for women; all six interviewed, both male and female, expressed frustration directed at themselves in dealing with pornography.
David shared that after all these years, “I find it impossibly hard to forgive myself. I hate myself. I literally cannot live with myself. I don’t feel successful. I have seen so many people judge me solely on that one event, on that one weakness … that I’ve started to view myself in the same way.”
Concerning interactions with peers and praise received for accomplishments, Carl, a current BYU student lamented, “I thought that if they knew who I really was, they wouldn’t want to be my friend. Having to take all of those compliments and completely devalue them because of this one flaw that happens to be very significant in the minds of most people has been extremely disheartening.”
With these feelings in tow, these people often seek help from ecclesiastical leaders as well as professional counselors. One therapy group here at BYU called the Sexual Concerns Group focuses on reducing the shame, fear and self-loathing that facilitates the continued use of pornography.
Dr. Mike Buxton, a clinical professor in the BYU Counseling Center is a leader of one such group.
Speaking of those that attend the group, he said, “It’s fairly common [for them] to come when they’ve gone through a prolonged time period of an overwhelming urge to look at pornography and/or masturbate. Sometimes they’re different from each other, sometimes they’re together.”
Speaking of the involvement of bishops, Dr. Buxton pointed out that for many this can prove to be a productive first step.
“The culture provides [bishops] as at least a means to have an initial person to come talk to and begin to open up about it,” he said. “And my experience is frequently that’s been a very supportive person and an important person in the whole process.”
Josh, a former BYU student who has attended Dr. Buxton’s therapy group said, echoed these sentiments.
“I’ve had a few bishops who have kind of emphasized that point that you need to work at it, you need to avoid pornography … and you won’t be perfect … just worry about being better, and that was very helpful for me, just knowing that one slip up was not a big deal,” he said.
Even so, experiences with ecclesiastical leadership have not always been helpful to those interviewed. David shared the following concerning ecclesiastical disciplinary action: “It never ceases to amaze me the inconsistencies. I literally am terrified of getting a new bishop and moving to a new ward and not knowing my fate.”
The effects of pornography are not the only place where consistencies emerged among the interviewees. In every case the subject of sexuality was rarely discussed at home, if at all.
Such was the case for BYU student Carl who said the lack of discussion assisted his use of porn.
“I feel like my attitude towards sexual development was that it was bad and was something to be shunned and not talked about,” Carl said. “I didn’t feel like there was any legitimate way to express sexual feelings and that led to antisocial behavior.”
Lisa, too, emphasized the traditional approach taken in her home concerning sexuality.
“Sexual development was never discussed in our house,” she said. “It was, you get married and that’s when sex happens. You’re not even allowed to think about it until that point.”
Fellow BYU student Josh shared, “[My parents] never brought it up, so I had to be the one to initiate the discussion, and as a teenager [that] is pretty scary. Sex is a taboo topic, so trying to talk about something sexual where I have to initiate the discussion [is] pretty intimidating.”
According to Dr. Buehler, this kind of hesitancy regarding sex and pornography are often found at the core of porn addictions.
“If sex is all kept secret, there’s no space for a teenager to come to their parents and say ‘What do I do with myself? I have all of these urges.’ I would say have an open communication about sexuality,” he said.
At times, the discussion was left entirely to the responsibility of the individual and even the Church itself.
“I was left to what I learned in the scriptures and in the For the Strength of the Youth handbook and what I got at church,” Jeff said.
In speaking about her experience, BYU student Amber said, “Asking my parents about birth control, my mom didn’t want to talk to me about it until I was engaged, so I remained silently curious.”
Furthermore, those interviewed pointed at this same lack of discussion often leading to misconceptions and stereotypes surrounding pornography use and those who use it and, perhaps most of all, why it’s used.
“Day to day, it’s more like a a way to deal with anxiety, loneliness, or boredom – something to give me a boost of some kind, make me feel something when I’m not feeling anything, or when I’m feeling depressed,” Josh said.
Dr. Buehler addresses pornography usage in her clients as any other coping mechanism.
“When somebody is using a substance,” Buehler said, “they are often abusing it because they are not coping well with something else … I mean we use all kinds of unsavory things: we use food, chocolate, even exercise or video games. We have all kinds of ways of dealing with things that stress us out that aren’t optimal.”
She concluded, “The main reason people turn to pornography would be not being tuned in to what one really needs and therefore not communicating or doing anything about [it].”
Photo by sampsyo on Flickr
Commonly, treatment comes as a last resort after individuals have sought to rectify the habit by themselves with little success.
“I’ve tried everything,” Lisa lamented. “I’ve tried reading my scriptures every night. I’ve tried numbers on my wrists to count the days since it’s happened. I’ve tried turning off my computer before a certain time of night. I have tried everything.”
From the description of a pamphlet distributed in the counseling center, “surface-level interventions, such as keeping a calendar, setting a goal or just staying busy do not tend to work over time – these methods over focus on the behavior without giving understanding to constituent influences and personal growth.”
Those interviewed agreed that therapy was very helpful, but it does not serve as a cure-all.
“The challenge is acknowledging that it is out there but still being able to keep it away or if I slip up being able to get away again,” says Josh.
Lisa shared the biggest challenge that she faces in moving forward with her life.
“Shame is the biggest challenge I face,” she said. “Shame about who I am. Shame about what I do. Shame about the problem I have. Shame about my family. Shame that I will one day have to talk to my spouse about this. And the fact that such shame resounds in our community, I fear his reaction because I am a woman.”
When asked about his biggest challenge in dealing with pornography, Jeff pointed to a lack of success stories in the general community in overcoming porn addictions.
“I’ve never heard any,” he said. “It’s really damning … maybe our answers to the pornography problems really aren’t there. And I don’t want to believe that.”
In dealing with these challenges, those interviewed have found different ways of moving forward and leading healthy lives.
“I feel like the minute that I admitted to myself that [pornography] didn’t matter, my problems evaporated,” Carl said. “With that pressure that had just been taken off, that it didn’t matter anymore, there was no longer this strong aversion that I was fighting and therefore the pornography stopped fighting me.”
Dr. Buxton stressed similar points when he said, “I think that people do much better when they take the courage to move ahead with their goals, their values and their priorities in their lives, rather than waiting somehow for this problem to subsist and to go away before you can move on. I think it actually works the other way around.”
“You know I’ll have to deal that with that for the duration of my life, but I don’t think that means that I will be an addict my whole life either.” Josh said.
Amber said her relationship with God is a highly useful instrument in fighting her struggles with pornography.
“I think I need to do the best I can everyday and if I slip up and do something against Church warnings, I’ll talk to God about it and make it right with Him,” she said. “I talk to Him about it every time and I come to peace and that’s how I’m coping.”
All names of those interviewed have been changed to protect privacy.
Photos by sampsyo and Hugo_Fstop on Flickr.
18 comments
Roscoe says:
Feb 23, 2012
So its the church’s fault that some people feel shame? I know a lot of non-members who would feel shamed about being caught looking at porn. Take responsibility.
Seamus says:
Feb 23, 2012
I Looooooooove porn, and I have NO shame. Is that enough responsibility for you?
admin says:
Feb 28, 2012
To Roscoe, Brian and thousands of others:
Should this article promote or condone the use of pornography in any way, rest assured we would not stand by it as an organization. Rather, this article is the account of 6 real scenarios. There are, of course, an all too large number of other experiences but as this is a sensitive topic many of those stories are kept from the press. We encourage people to bring their stories to the table as they feel comfortable that a more complete picture may unfold.
Thank you,
SR
Bean says:
Feb 23, 2012
Perhaps we need to make room in our worldview to stop thinking of and referring to pornography use as a “problem.”
Can’t we just stop to even *consider* that there might be legitimate uses for pornography and that both male and female masturbation is biologically natural and that it’s even a healthy form of physical, emotional and mental release?
This article seems to be trying to get at the idea that the obsession with calling porn a “problem” is what is making it a much bigger issue than it really is, yet we still read that word several times here, “problem.”
CapnMoroni says:
Feb 23, 2012
I’m pretty sure the article didn’t blame the church at all, roscoe. Neither did the interviewees. Plus, there is a clear distinction between BYU culture and the church. I felt like it was talking about the culture here (utah county, utah in general). I agree that people ultimately make their own choices but that doesn’t mean the environment or culture can’t aggravate it further. Utah has absolutely terrible sexual education and it’s only getting worse… Open your eyes. But this article isn’t about blame anyways, it’s about awareness of the suffering some of our brothers and sisters go through… Get some empathy roscoe, these people already hate and blame themselves.
shell says:
Mar 1, 2012
Right on. I agree completely. You might want ot change your alias, as it might turn people off from your wonderful comment. No offense to your bom heroe, but some might think you’re self-righteous/obnoxious and not read it.
David says:
Feb 23, 2012
When I was a Mormon, I had what you could classify as a “pornography” problem. I obsessed over keeping my thoughts clean, not looking at inappropriate material, etc. And I was constantly drawn to online pornography. I couldn’t get it out of my head.
Fast forward 10 years – I no longer believe in church doctrine, and I no longer believe that pornography is a sin. I also no longer obsess over pornography. I’ll glance at it occasionally – maybe once a month or so – but the obsession and guilt are gone.
Brian says:
Feb 23, 2012
This was a surprisingly good article. My heart goes out to all the students who have been made to feel ashamed, sickened, and fearful of their own natural instincts; the very instincts given to them by their Creator. An overwhelming percentage of the people use porn every day, and that overwhelming percentage of the population are completely normal, happy, and moral citizens. Pornography, like all things in life, should be used in moderation, and is only a problem if you make it one. In honor of this article and all the students at BYU I’m going over to my favorite porn site right now!
David H. says:
Feb 24, 2012
There are great resources available and there are success stories. I am a recovering pornography and sex addict. Because of my bad choices, and years of lying about it, I nearly lost my marriage, my business and my home. I found out about the LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program from my Stake President. http://www.providentliving.org/content/display/0,11666,6629-1-3414-1,00.html I began attending meetings and working the steps. In May, it will be 3 years since I last looked at pornography or acted out sexually. My marriage is intact and life is good. It is a miracle from God.
This article raises some questions about shame, responsibility, and sin in general. I often hear other addicts use language like, “bad things happened” or “it happened again.” People tend to use the passive voice in talking about the behaviors they are ashamed of as if to shift blame away from themselves, and they miss out on the empowering opportunity to own their self-destructive choices.
With respect to the morality of masturbation and pornography: whether you believe in religion or not, these behaviors are destructive to self and to society at large. Masturbation short-circuits an individuals ability to relate with and interact appropriately with others and it destroys intimacy in marriage. I know many men who thought masturbation would “go away” when they got married, only to find themselves using it more and more frequently as an escape hatch when the going gets rough. When they do this, they shortchange themselves and their spouses of the opportunity to grow closer in resolving the conflict together.
Pornography use has wide ranging destructive power. Setting aside the spiritual damage it causes, it harms the individual who uses it to the detriment of their own social function, financial situation, and general life-management skills.
And if that weren’t bad enough, what about the harm to society at large? The women and men in pornographic media aren’t healthy, well-adjusted individuals. These are people who are victims of an industry that objectifies them, degrades them, and spits them out when they are too old or too strung out to attract an audience. Many are victims of childhood sexual abuse and/or addicted to drugs.
But the direct participants of pornography aren’t the only victims. As our culture becomes increasingly pornified, the world becomes a more toxic place, especially for young girls. I don’t want my daughter to grow up in a culture that shows her that her only value as a person is derived from her sexuality. And I don’t want my sons to grow up in a culture that treats women as objects. But this is the effect pornography has. It teaches nothing useful about human intimacy, love and sexual expression. It teaches degradation, selfishness, and abuse.
shell says:
Mar 1, 2012
Thank you. I think this is a success story Jeff was hoping to hear.
Concerned says:
Feb 27, 2012
I am writing you in response to your PORN article. I felt like the article was poorly researched and immature. I didn’t learn anything by reading your article, and I felt like the conclusions drawn from such a small sampling of porn users (when such a high percentage of people use porn according to your article) was ignorant.
I felt like the article indiscriminately used personal opinions about church views instead of researching what the church has said. I have solved this problem by referring to the leadership and doctrine of the LDS Church with “Church” (capital C), and by referring to the culture of said Church with “church” (lowercase c).
I am not arguing about these things without knowledge of porn. I am the wife of a porn addict.
Since learning about my husband’s addiction I have been grateful for the Church. If you look to the Church for help with your addiction, you will find no shortage of resources. There is an entire church website dedicated to sources to help fight pornography CombatingPornography.org that includes sources for the addict, for the spouse, for parents wanting to prevent porn problems. The website is extensive. Students going to BYU have access to free counseling and therapeutic groups. If a student couple has a problem, and at least one member of the couple is a student at BYU the couple can attend couples counseling. Students are also able to get counseling through their bishop, and bishops are able to recommend counseling and help subsidize the cost with tithing if needed. I have yet to mention my favorite Church resource, a twelve-step program for those with sexual addictions and a support group for family members of those with sexual addictions staffed with trained facilitators and a pair of missionaries in each meeting. There is at least one meeting for those with sexual addictions every day of the week in this area. Even Sunday. The Church is desperately trying to help anyone who is hurting and wants to help. To quote Jeffrey R. Holland, “The first words Jesus spoke in His majestic Sermon on the Mount were to the troubled, the discouraged, and the downhearted…I wish to speak particularly to you who feel your lives are broken, seemingly beyond repair.”
What bothered me about this article was the blame placed on the Church for problems. Yes, there is a lot of talk about pornography in the Church, but I cannot agree with your statements, “Warnings about the pernicious nature of pornography saturate LDS Church meetings, but with the overwhelming statistics of usage, some argue that the teachings of avoiding rather than overcoming pornography are misplaced” or, ““many complained of the lack of understanding in Church circles of the real issue at hand.” These statements are uneducated and misinformed. I cannot see how your article can argue that after the number of resources I have pointed you to, the majority of which have nothing to do with avoidance or prevention and everything to do with dealing with the problem. I have found the church to have a very liberal and welcoming view of addicts. Lisa stated that she has tried reading her scriptures which is wonderful but there is a woeful lack of study into PRESENT DAY REVELATION which is something we believe has been provided for our very salvation. The Church does not tell you to just read your scriptures every day and everything will be okay. Instead it offers a variety of resources that are underused by those who could obviously use the help. Yes, there is a lot of pressure in the church and in the Church to be perfect, BUT the main emphasis of the Church is Jesus Christ who offered redemption for all and an ongoing quest for perfection not already attained perfection is the expectation.
There is little hope in your article, and there is a lot of blame. You cannot blame the church and the lack of talk about sexuality as the causes of the problems and the shame. I was not taught about sex in my home, and my husband was. He has an addiction to pornography, and I have a very healthy view of it. Jeff said that dealing with pornography is taught in “an unintelligent and uninformed way” which is absolutely false as one who personally knows the Church’s twelve-step program which is led by trained facilitators and trained missionaries who often personally know about addiction can attest. David said that “a large reason why [he has] problems with pornography is because of the Church and the BYU stigma around it.” A large reason why David has a problem with pornography is because his brain is now hard-wired to crave pornography. Perhaps you can blame that on the BYU stigma, but you cannot blame that on the Church, and you cannot blame an addiction on the BYU stigma even as much as you can biology. You’re also only talking about one BYU culture. My BYU culture never has felt that way and is alive and well.
David also said, “It never ceases to amaze me the inconsistencies” in speaking of dealing with bishops. This sentence alone speaks of an ignorance of the church that must be more harmful than helpful. Bishops are designated to be judges in Israel and are supposed to judge through the help of the Holy Spirit. That means that no two bishops will operate the same way, because they are relying on a personal communication with the spirit to talk with David. That is how our church operates, and that is what David should expect! I find it comforting how personal my healing can be through my bishop’s relationship with God.
Is there a discrepancy between the Church and the church? Absolutely, but the discrepancy and shame between the Church and the church are not isolated to pornography. I had a Relief Society president who told me that we shouldn’t talk about eating disorders in Relief Society, because they weren’t really a problem when I had a roommate clearly suffering from an advanced eating disorder. I have many things that I believe the church and the Church can improve on, but I don’t think that includes help for pornography.
The Church does not teach that you should be ashamed of the things that are wrong with your life. The Church teaches that we are all imperfect and in need of saving. The Church teaches that you should openly address those issues and change them, because change is possible. Again to quote Jeffrey R. Holland, “We must change anything we can change….In short we must repent, perhaps the most hopeful and encouraging word in the Christian vocabulary. We thank our Father in Heaven we are allowed to change, we thank Jesus we can change, and ultimately we do so only with Their divine assistance.” Pornography is a serious problem. Pornography is an addiction. Admit that you need help and then take advantage of the help that is readily available. The largest reason that people don’t get the help that they need is because they downplay their actual problem and lie to their bishops and to themselves. Perhaps this article is a call for all of us to be more honest about our imperfections so that we can try and change ourselves into more perfect beings by first admitting the true problems that we have.
Josh complained of the lack of success stories, and I want to provide Josh with some of the hope that he desires. There are members of the support groups who have been clean for years even upwards of 30. There is no mention in this article of people who have that hope in their lives and who have worked with success on their problems. There is hope and there is healing for those who desire it. There is also more information for those who want to know what the Church can provide if people are willing to do a little research.
The group for pornography addiction led by the Church is perhaps the best teacher of the Atonement that I have ever found, and the group of people that attend those meetings has the best understanding of Jesus’s power to save that I have seen in the Church. Perhaps it is lucky for those who have an addiction to pornography, because they have a problem so apparent and visible that they cannot help but yearn to change, and I have seen a way for that! I feel that the shame that some indulge in is an excuse to not change your life. I indeed feel sorry for all of those who do not see in themselves the need to change and the chance to apply the Church as only those who are truly desperate can.
In a recent comment About the Student Review someone complained about the poor research put into your “skinny jeans” article. I would like to second that complaint in talking about the PORN article. I appreciate and enjoy the Student Review. I appreciate a newspaper written about relevant newsworthy topics, but would like to see the Student Review doing their research before writing an article if they want to be taken seriously.
JJ says:
Mar 14, 2012
I will grant you that the article may be overly negative, but it does discuss sources for help.
To use your terms (church vs Church), you talk about the helps that the Church provides, glossing over the widespread ignorance and stigma perceived by addicts to be held by the church (little C.) This directly contributes to the continued struggles of addicts. I think it’s fair to say the church really does have a lot to learn about pornography and addiction in general, to be more helpful and supportive, despite good programs the Church has.
“I felt like the conclusions drawn from such a small sampling of porn users … was ignorant.” Yeah, I’m sure those direct quotes from six addicts, male and female, were very unrepresentative. Thanks for setting us straight with your secondhand account from an even smaller sample size (only one male.)
“I … would like to see the Student Review doing their research before writing an article if they want to be taken seriously.” Yeah, those professors and counselors don’t provide valid information that can be taken seriously, either.
Talmage says:
Feb 28, 2012
Dear Concerned:
I ask this sincerely: did you read the article? You bring up many issues that were actually addressed in the article, specifically turning to church leaders and the therapy groups and counseling center at BYU. The author quoted two articles, two sex therapists, and performed six interviews. I think it’s unfair to call that uninformed. I also think it’s unfair for you to single-handedly discount six different people’s personal experiences with the issue. I also think it’s unfair for you to say that they’re trying to justify their choice, when it seems clear to me from phrases like “I feel so much self-hatred” that they certainly feel guilt and shame; doesn’t that at least imply that they want to change? You bring up some valid points, but I think you’ve misunderstood the article and the intentions of those who were interviewed.
Mel says:
Mar 1, 2012
It then sounds as if shame is the product of our culture and not of our church. How can we change that? Obviously love, understanding, forgiveness, and awareness (not of the problem, so much as of the resources for recovery and sex education overall) are much needed, but how can we show that? Please reply respectfully.
My heart goes out to David, who is judged by that one weakness. There are truly amazing people who struggle with this and they add so much to our lives. Yet being warned of the dangers of pornography I myself cannot help but hesitate to enter a marriage or perhaps even a seriously relationship with such an addiction unresolved. (Once in marriage, I would be supportive and try to work it out, but I wouldn’t marry them if it were still an issue–is that smart or judgemental?.) We can still be unfailing friends, seriously who would abandon a friend after discovering their addiction?
It’s the casual comments like, “and then he basically became a terrible person and was into porn and went off the deep-end,” that cloud student gossip and sting the heart of the recovering addict. Rather than just roll our eyes, how can we stand up against such hurtful words while staying strong on our position? “That’s bad,” may be true but it’s not helping ANYONE.
DJ says:
Mar 1, 2012
to the Lisa quoted in the article: i’d love to watch porn with you sometime! but if we don’t, don’t worry about having to explain your “addiction” to you future spouse. Most guys will feel a combination of relief, understanding, and excitement. Keep being real. Cheers!
Shane says:
Mar 3, 2012
I find one of the biggest problems with most members of the church is an inability to practice dialectical thinking. The concept of “I know this one thing to be true…and I also know this other thing to be true, but I’m perfectly comfortable with the two concepts being seemingly contradictory and I don’t feel the need to reconcile them.” For example, evolution and the creation. Personally, I am confident in both, but I never feel the need to explain how they fit together.
I think this type of exercise helps create an image of the world that is probably closer to the truth and reality because we tend to average together our knowledge of both and develop a more holistic concept.
In relation to the article, I’m finding many people’s comments and opinions can’t reach past their belief that “pornography is a sin.” They are so obsessed with their testimony of this revealed information that they really cannot reconcile or respect the sentiments and feelings of people sharing their experiences in the article. We should forget about church doctrine and our “pornography is sin” mentality when reading the article. Just listen to what they’re saying, immerse yourself in the topic, and refrain from biasing your opinions on your church experience. Doing this doesn’t discredit your faith or belief in the gospel. It just helps your appreciate more aspects of the human condition.
The sentiments in this article are true. I went on my mission with a very bad self-image of myself because of course I had masturbated and looked at pornography in my teen-aged years. And I thought I was the only one. Then I meet and get-to-know 80 missionaries over the period of two years and find out that almost every one of them had masturbated before their missions, etc. It was shocking to me! But something about that honesty and openness and realization that it’s a common problem took a great deal of pressure off the issue. It was much easier not to participate in those activities when I learned to view the problem from a more behavioral way. If we constantly equate it with our “spiritual standing” it can be HIGHLY destructive. Many people argue against scientific investigations behind the biology of sexuality (ie. homosexuality), masturbation, etc. I think the fear is that we attribute everything to biology and then take no responsibility for our actions (we are animals and can therefore behave like them). I think those views do a great discredit to our humanity and inherent desire to do good. For me, the second I realized that my hormones were raging during my teen-aged years and that perhaps chemical imbalances in my brain were driving my addictions and desires for more, the pressure was lessened significantly. It’s not that I didn’t feel responsible for my actions, but at least I could explain my constant desires for sexual things in terms of my body changes and hormones. Before, I attributed my desires to my soul and spirit being evil and opposed to God.
I believe that regardless of the source, truth is empowering. Science is truth and if they can offer me explanations of why I keep thinking and desiring certain things, then we can welcome those things. We can incorporate that knowledge with our spiritual knowledge and use it to take ownership over our actions. Guilt is highly destructive, and guilt–in my opinion–has a strong correlation to concept of spirit and mortality, which in turn are taught and stressed in religious settings. I think we have the responsibility to enhance our communication of these topics in church so that we do not perpetuate the problem or the misconception of “you feel guilty because you’re sinning and you’re spirit is unclean.” It’s almost as if we think the despair, guilt, and depression is a required process in our repentance. I’m not convinced this is what God had in mind.
Dave says:
Mar 5, 2012
In a 3rd hour meeting last Sunday, our ward had a great discussion about pornography, and I would say the feelings expressed and the stories shared were very shameless and frank, and largely without pain. It was one of the best conversations about porn I’ve ever seen, online or in secular therapy-type forums or wherever. In just one meeting, several people told their stories without any noticable stigma, and the conversation continued on the way home and in apartments; the church meeting catalyzed growth for users, past users, and never users (yes, they exist). Everyone was pretty open and the atmosphere was very positive; far from the pain or shame that this article discusses.
I think the Church does a pretty good job fighting a hugely out-manned battle against porn addiction, and I can’t think of an organization better equipped to help someone out of the pain or shame described (in terms of professionals, resources, underlying theology/philosophy, accessible clergy, and good friends). The only reason shame or pain would dominate someone’s experience is if they don’t use the help that’s available. I haven’t heard of any negative experiences in which a student asked for help and got only judgement; most people are pretty happy to help. The stigma is primarily in the head of the user; there is a way out and it starts with ignoring your own idea of shame and just asking for help. It’s there.
I hope this article builds awareness and triggers better dialogue for people who need that and haven’t gotten it, but it would be sad if readers got the idea that if you’re at BYU and have been/are a porn user your fate is only pain and shame and it’s “the church’s fault”. That message is from the same source as the pain and shame.
Friendly neighborhood NOM says:
Mar 15, 2012
http://www.i4m.com/think/sexuality/masturbation_help.htm
I just thought that this article was fairly relevant to the situation about the shame that porn viewers feel from the dogma surrounding the subject in the church. This article was written by an LDS doctor.